Friday, August 21, 2015

Stay Weird


So about a week ago I turned a year older and probably this last year has been one of the most tearful years in the recent past for reasons that are best left buried (outside I'm generally very happy) but sometimes when I'm alone and allow myself to go into this dark places in my life,I don't know what to feel,I have spent many nights just thinking what am I doing with my life and the conclusion has been mostly...............'Rahma what is wrong with you you should be grateful for the things and opportunities you have' so more gratitude lists and all the others I want(think I want) will fall in place in their own time.Here is to things that I know now and weren't that clear to me before:

I have learnt when you are younger there is a lot of noise in your head and probably the need to impress but with time the noise drops and you realize there are very few people who you could truly impress and these ones will still be impressed by you even when you give your most incoherent thoughts/you are at your worst.So do not sweat the small stuff.

Death happens to people you know and love,it does :'-( ,at some point I thought it doesn't and that its only for people you didn't really know but some people that I spent my whole life with,loved truly and they in-turn loved me passed on, what remains is memories and especially of the last day you saw each other and the thing that haunts you the most is should I have hanged out more with them or laughed with them more, and that the term the living dead is real and you'll sometimes seat down and talk about them like you expect them to just come back the way some people go for a long time and never call but show-up and say niaje!!!!!! and tell you what went down and how much you have lost weight since you were last together.

The most important thing that you need to work on is your deen and your relationship with Allah because look at it this way he does not need you,so by keeping within what he wants is that you'll be the only one who benefits by going to Jannah and having blessings here and your struggles being made easier.

Whatever you do, do not chase anyone,if they are not willing to hang-out with you,talk and spend time with you out of their own free will, walk away, its that simple. Not every you like will like you back but a lot of other peeps will be happy to just be and sit in silence with you, therefore forget about those who you have to think before you say anything to and later when you go home you go over the conversations to think about did I say the right thing, that I have come realize is too much effort to put in friendship/relationship.There are things to work hard this include work and school but not friendship/relationships.

Keeping your word is key.I'm a procrastinator yaani over the years, I have perfected this art and that I would start working on some very important things at 10PM the night before they are needed in the morning is not below me,with this last minute you simply do not put out the best product(I'm using this word in the loosest meaning), therefore plan your time better and do what you are meant to be doing and if you need any motivation just remember even Beyonce has 24 hour days and she constantly delivers good music and being known as that person who doesn't keep their word cannot be a good thing.

That there are people outside my family that I will protect with all I have because they were probably supposed to be one of us but strayed and we met later when we had these identities of who we are but still we want mostly the same things and have mutual respect and understanding for each other(Hello Miss Katra :-) ).With this said your family are most likely to be the only people who'll stand by you in the event something happens both good and bad things so keep them close.

Most importantly do not conform to what society expects you to be stay weird(your own kind of weird) laugh at things that only you find funny,make analysis of people's pictures and watch random videos on you-tube and get into conversations about them, say what is on your mind and is reasonable and if you are me and take forever to understand things own that and accept that this is you and do not say yes when things are unclear :-)

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